Growing up it never crossed my mind that motherhood would ever be a part of my life, the possibility of producing an actual person was the furthest thing from my mind until my mid-30’s. Then, something unexpected happened – Mother Nature accosted me the procreation knuckleduster & I was a goner.
In fact, I was so driven towards motherhood, that it’s all that occupied my brain for a good few years. Eventually, after a few sad hiccups, I presented a brand new human to the world & the broodiness subsided. I then spent the next few years engulfed in the milky world of motherhood & loved it.
But I often wonder if I hadn’t heeded the call & had my son, would my life would be as fulfilling & full of love? I’ve come to the conclusion that it probably would have. I don’t feel defined by motherhood & there’s plenty of days when dealing with teenage tantrums I think ‘what the fuck have I done?’ & I really do defy any parent, whether going through the temper filled two’s or the drama laden teens, to not have had a fleeting thought about what life would have been like sans sprog.
Don’t misunderstand me, my son is the love of my life & I am so happy I had him, but I think the belief that having a child exemplifies your role as a woman is an outdated myth. I have many friends who have opted not to have children & they are perfectly fulfilled in their day to day meanderings.
What I’m trying to say, in a (very) roundabout way, is that don’t pin your hopes on happiness & fulfillment on just that one thing. Yes, having children is wonderfully rewarding, but so is staying childless. You have to find your loves & passions & run with them – whether you have a child in tow or not. Your sanity will thank you &, should you have succumbed to motherhood, then your children will thank you as well for showing them how a well-rounded human being can have a life full of passions, interests & contentment, all whilst providing a nurturing & loving upbringing.
So, my sisters, go forth & carpe-the-fuck-out-of-every-diem. Have children, don’t have children, but just make sure you make the most of every experience & don’t be defined by just one aspect of your life. You are so much more x